Run away from a Heartbreak? Be Careful!
Running away from a heartbreak & live somewhere else? If you're not careful, it might lead to serious troubles because you haven't been healed.
When a guy - I thought had feelings for me - stopped calling / answering my messages, my hunch told me he had a change of heart. Few months after "Not crying anymore, finally got over him," at that night, he called. He laughed when he said he fell in love again with his old friend. His laughter meant: he never cared that what he said hurt my feelings.
I'm old now, but I remember the night vividly. I told him gently that he should grow up. I couldn't bring myself to say that he'd hurt me so much. I remember he had made me lower my dignity to chase after him, worrying something might happen to him. It made me feel I was nothing & not enough.
I felt hollow after the phone call, had never felt that in my life. I pushed a pillow onto my face, to make sure no one at home could hear me crying. Curled up in my bed & screamed silently, "WHY?" Prayed to God to take my life away, sighed when the sun came up.
Few years later, when I turned 25, I worked in a cruise ship, so I could forget about it. It was better than jumping off of a building. I got few friends, a new flame, & a lot of enemies, yes I hadn't been healed at all. After a serious incident which I can't tell as I believe it was my fault (every girl's got a secret), I lost my job & went back home. An old friend called me saying he wanted to say sorry.
It's rude to bring news of someone we want to move on from, 'cause you're bringing sad memories back. I told my friend, "Don't be a message pigeon, if he calls me, I'll smash my telephone." There was no smart phone back then, but the saying is true, "Guilt will never leave you."
I remember mistakes that I shouldn't have done on the ship, words that I shouldn't have said, colleagues that I should've treated well, a new flame that could've been mine. But I can't really blame him for what happened to me, I took part in making those mistakes. The only thing that I can do right now, is to forgive myself, so I wrote this song to say goodbye to my lovely flame on the ship along with all sad memories in it. I tried searching for him, with no luck. I know I can never meet him or see him again. I'm sorry.
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